catalyst of demise (xcatalystx) wrote,
catalyst of demise


i have a lot going on. and for some reason it tends to coagulate in my head. i find no way to make it onto paper, or this journal. too much to say. and not enough energy. i really cant take what this has become. i wish i could move away right now. like a little kid. pack a small suitcase and run down the street. i wonder how far i could get. but thats the thing about promises. i keep them. im trying to figure out how to hold on. when i want to push away.
i see my life as a chess game. and i am someone like bobby fischer. i play the game, seeing twenty moves, at least, ahead. calculating, but not trapping myself into a plan. anticipation. but by the time i see it all unfold, and its time to actually make my move. i forget why i chose to start where i started. i put the piece down. and pick something up instead. there is just too much. stimulation overload. simplify. release. rebuild.
i think ill say goodbye to all of you now. because when i actually have to. i dont think ill care.
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